too much, too little, too late

[with apologies to johnny mathis and deniece williams]

the last two weeks have been a blur. after an uplifting time of equipping at the covenant church plant training in late may, i returned to renton with a renewed sense of direction and hope. we learned a lot that may come in handy in the future. but for now, it will have to wait.

this past weekend, after a month of hard discussions, long special meetings, and behind-the-scenes conversations, our congregation formally decided to rejoin our mother church (lighthouse christian church) for the purposes of recuperating, re-tooling, and God-willing, eventually re-launching. that last part is not guaranteed, and if it does happen, it's not certain that we'd be the ones leading it. for now, the timeline for a re-launch is undetermined.

this is not the setting for recounting in detail all that's happened, but as you can imagine, it's been a difficult season. hurt feelings have finally been expressed. doubts have been shared about my giftedness and even my character. criticism has been given about my leadership. decisions (judgments?) have been made. the dust is still settling, but what we know for now is that the bridge has collapsed, at least in its current form and at least for now.

it'll take a while to untangle what went wrong. but there is some substance to the critiques, and i already know that there are many ways i want to grow from this experience. i am determined to work on personal weaknesses that have hindered my leadership and effectiveness. i am painfully aware of rookie church planter mistakes that i made, and hope that if we ever get the chance to do this again, i would at least be able to avoid some of those. and i have been recently reminded of the spiritual atmosphere in which we find ourselves -- and the need for focused, fervent prayer that breaks the strongholds. no doubt, there are issues that others need to work on as well, but i'll let them write their own blog posts on exactly what. :-)

even with our troubles and shortcomings, God has been gracious. some good things happened during our 16-month first run, including a couple of people who came to Christ, children who have been nurtured and encouraged to seek God in ways that make sense to them, and some very encouraging testimonies of the Spirit's transforming work. we had some wonderful moments; one of my recent favorites was our all-church retreat at camp berachah, where bruce hansen gave messages that people are still talking about and where we bonded in ways that were clearly supernatural.

still, it's hard to escape the feeling that this was a spiritual spanking. our final discussions were marked by more division than unity, more heat than light, and all too little grace. nothing is ever wasted in the economy of God, and so i know that somehow, he will redeem it all. now it's time to rest -- then back to the drawing board in prayer, in God's word, and in deeper partnership with one another. please pray for us. the battle is not done.

for our struggle is not against flesh and blood,
but against the rulers,
against the powers,
against the world forces of this darkness,
against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.
therefore, take up the full armor of God,
so that you will be able to resist in the evil day,
and having done everything,
to stand firm.
ephesians 6:12-13